I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
