One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just pee around me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
