I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
