Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
