i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
