Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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