I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
