You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
