you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
