omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
