His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
