At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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