Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
