...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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