You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
