I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize