I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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