1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
