dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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