i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I am morally bankrupt
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
