super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
