I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
