dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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