I want to make a zoo with you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
