this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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