I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
