then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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