I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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