your parents love me but you hate me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
