I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
