My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize