I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You have to summon your inner elephant
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
