____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Blood and glitter go together right?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize