I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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