opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
