i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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