my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
