First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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