i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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