I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
