I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
