Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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