I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
