My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
