Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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