After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
