shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
God, I missed his penis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
