Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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