yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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