I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
