CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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