Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
