As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
