remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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