Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
