i think my mom watched the whole time
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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