it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
