i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize