sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
