he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
