my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
