he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My ATM looks so different sober.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish there were birth control emojis
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
