I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
