Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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