This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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