So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
