I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
