Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
