i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
