Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize