I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
