She's JV to your varsity
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
