I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
