he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
