so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
