nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Someone came in the potted fern
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
