My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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