My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
