nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
