My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
