Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize