So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
