I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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