I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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