Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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